My hips have traipsed down these aisles before. The unknown meshing with memories, dreams, and promises. If I'm a lucky, a little sunlight and resulting warmth comes as a side dish. The clouds and the cool temperatures continue to visit us here on the Peninsula, but my spirits are warming. I can feel the glow of something new coming. I am not fearful of what will happen after I'm "done" here. Instead, I am relishing the hunt and chase of the next path that will invite me to turn down its just-wide-enough path. When else can I savor the tumultuousness that comes with not knowing?
Someone told me I have twenty-something days of school left. Of course, that is not me being in school, turning in papers, doing late-night reading. Instead, it means my time left of working, urging students to turn in homework, creating enticing incentives for when they do. It means hoping that having six students move unexpectedly in the last three weeks will be the end of good-byes until the twenty-something days of school are done. It means sometimes putting on an act of a smile and positive attitude, and pretending I wouldn't really rather be at the Farmers Market under the freeway exchanging tokens for ripe, fragrant strawberries that here I can only dream about.
It means being able to savor all the things that are wonderful here, and that I already know I will be melancholy for come six months from now. Relishing the new green that is sprouting everywhere. Running into (almost literally) a friend on a walk down the trail. Sharing conspiratory glances across a room and knowing that my new-found sister can read my face and will know the exact, right, perfect thing to say to me about the situation. Walking down the hall and having little arms wrap around my middle, and having a smile wash over me before I even know who exactly is sharing their happiness with me at that moment.
And then I remember that this beauty will be carried with me. Maybe I won't be experiencing it first hand, but it will be stored in my heart where I'll always have easy access to it. Regardless of where I am, how I get there, or who I'll be around, I can unfold, shake out, and step into this happiness and uncertainty again when the need arises.
Quite beautiful, insightful comments, Julia! And, you're right -- you WILL be able to conjure up those feelings of the little arms around your middle or the sight of the new Spring green everywhere on the PNW peninsula you now call home, because those thoughts and feelings are part of you now, and will be forever. So, savor them while you can, then save them for later, stored in your heart for when you need them most.
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