Sometimes you take a leap of faith. Nevermind that the leap you take feels like you just jumped off a bridge or a cliff with no parachute, compacted with no escape route or safe landing apparent to you. But, somehow, you find a safe landing spot and look around and realize that no matter how interesting or surprising or demanding or chaotic or random, life is good and you have found a good, safe, comfy place to land. That's how I felt today.
Exactly one year ago today I knew that I would be moving to Port Angeles, WA, in order to join the North Olympic AmeriCorps, but I did not know much more than that. Being in exactly the same physical place that I was in a year ago (with the addition of my awesome dog, Maise) has given me a lot to think about the past few days. In fact, I'm in the same place I was five years ago, but I am a different person than one year ago, and much different from the magical summer of 2006.
Tonight the moon guided me home as she often does. I was singing and cruising my way over Hwy 17, coming back from an absolutely glorious day in Santa Cruz. The sky had been blue without a cloud in the sky, there was a mild breeze off of the Pacific, and I had a great day at the beach watching Maise learn about waves and playing with other dogs, and then later meeting up with a wonderful soul I have known for most of my life.
As I watched the sun set over the hills I was filled with the feeling of sweet serendipity. Going forward I know that I will make the right choices and I will go down the right path. There is no other way. I am surrounded by my best friends all along this coast. One I have not seen or communicated with in months, but she still hit the nail exactly on the head when it came to discussing relationships. Another friend, more like a sister if you will, accepts me for who I am regardless if I am very opposite than her in so many ways. She understands the phrase "Get out your Chacos!" and doesn't hesitate to send supportive messages my way. Another I feel through the music she gave me; I know why she picked some songs and can only guess why others were included, but I feel her support and love through it all. An email made its way to me tonight, too. It was to the point and gave me the details I was wondering about. My friend, not on this coast, is safe and happy and looking forward to the next chapter.
I can not pretend it's not hard to be away from them. My AmeriCorps family understood me. My housemates, my coworkers, my teammates; they understood. I'm still decompressing. How could I not? So much happened in the past year. I grew so much. I made so many friends. I worked harder than I ever have in my life before. In the week that I have been gone from them I have had some times where my throat closes up and I get tears in my eyes because I miss them so much. So. Much. But the sadness that stems from being away from them does not compare to the happiness that they bring to my life, so I can not be sad and missing them for too long. I am so thankful to these friends that often tears spring to my eyes. The fact that just me was enough meant the world to me. Means the world to me.
It is good to be home. The moon was close by, accompanying me back to the Mountain View house. As much as I will miss my kids from last year, and my very good friends - no - my family I found, I know this is where I belong. The sea tells me so. The moon tells me so. My hearts tells me so.
